How to write a pseudoscience email

Heh, that's every pseudoscience email ever.

Found on the internet :


[AUTHOR] is [BASICALLY, ENTIRELY, PRECISELY] [WRONG / RIGHT].

To be fair, [CONCESSION]. But [UNCHARITABLE RETRACTION OF THAT CONCESSION]. In this case, [SPECIAL PLEADING].

Presuming [THING WHICH IT IS INSANE TO PRESUME], then [OVERSTATED CONCLUSION.] But if [INSANE MISSTATEMENT OF OPPOSING ARGUMENT], then [UNCONDITIONAL RETRACTION OF MY BASIC POINT].

When [THING WHICH WILL NEVER HAPPEN] happens, then I will be proven conclusively right. But until that time, no one can criticize me for having made unfalsifiable conclusions, because they were merely conditional at the time I made them.

[SHORT STATEMENT WHICH IS LESS PITHY THAN I INTENDED]